ROBERTSONS INC.

It has been an interesting last little run for us. A little over 2 weeks ago I was in Costco just going about my business picking up some groceries when our adoption caseworker called and said "you guys just got an email from a birth mother! So ... go check your email!" I checked my email from my phone right then while I was waiting in line, and then practically skipped out to my car with my groceries. Sure enough, a birth mother from across the country had chosen us as her #1 choice to adopt her baby, which was due pretty much any time.

Over the next 2 weeks things worked out perfectly. We got to know the birthmother and felt a connection with her. We kept in touch with her closely. All the paperwork and travel plans came together easily. Both our caseworkers didn't foresee any difficulties in this adoption working out. We were thrilled! Collin and I started reading baby name books and talking about names. I made a baby blanket. I cleaned out the baby's room and started stocking up on baby supplies. I spent my spare time reading all I could about taking care of a newborn. My piano studio was ready for me to take 3 weeks off at a moment's notice, and every night Collin left his emergency sub plans on his desk in case we ended up leaving the next morning. 2 days ago, we were literally at the point of waiting for the birth mother to call and tell us she was going into labor, then we were going to hop on the next plane to go bring home our baby!

Then yesterday morning I got a call that changed it all. The birth mother called to tell me that she had completely changed her mind and now plans to parent the baby herself. I was shocked. Hurt. And most of all, very sad. It's funny how in that moment, when she told me, I realized how much I had really thought this was going to work out. And how in that one moment my whole life changed from hopeful back to whatever it was before. I felt like we had just received news of another failed infertility treatment. In that one moment, I went from being a mom-to-be back to someone who wishes more than anything I could have my own little one.

So, I spent the next 3 hours bawling as I returned all the baby supplies to their shopping bags, fished out the receipt for the carepackage I had lovingly put together for our birth mom, put the diapers, wipes, and baby blankets into sacks to be hidden in the garage, hid the baby books in places I knew I wouldn't find them, and cried more every time I received words of comfort from my most wonderful friends and family. THANK YOU for your caring and concern, I can't tell you how much it means to me!

Meanwhile, literally 10 minutes after I had "the phone call," Collin called me, to let me know that his dad was on his way to a hospital from what they thought was suffering a stroke. Are you kidding me? Yes, it was crazy. An update on that: Yes, he did suffer a mini-stroke and is still in the hospital for further testing as of right now, but the outlook is good and he seems to be doing fine. This coming on top of Collin's brother being diagnosed with testicular cancer just 2 weeks ago, right when all our adoption craziness began. So the emotions have been high around here.

I'm actually doing okay--yesterday was a day I would like to forget and I was glad to finally get up to a new day this morning, but it's still hard to wrap my head around. I guess I should just be saying to myself, "Welcome to the crazy world of adoption." I know of many, many couples who had a situation something like this before they really ended up having a child placed with them, so it's not uncommon. I was silly to think it wouldn't happen to us, I guess! But I have no regrets about how we handled things. I'm glad I had the chance to be excited about being a mom. It was really fun. And it was so fun to share it with my friends and family, even if in the end it turned into them consoling me. Collin may say something different--he is pretty mad right now. But maybe it is a girl thing; my desire to be a mother helps me feel sympathy for this birthmom also wanting that. Not that I'm saying this was the way to go about all of it, but at least she had the decency to call and let me know.

And for now, we are back to our usual lives. Anyone who wants to hang out--I had cleared my schedule for the next couple of weeks in anticipation of not being here, so I'm pretty free! :) And as for Collin, it works out well that he is here for district wrestling and will also now be here for State! Go Patriots!

And thanks again to my wonderful friends and family who have gone through the rollercoaster with us. Looks like there will be more ahead before things end up working out for us, but what can we do but go forward with faith.

...as Kaylin would say: "Rain makes the flowers grow!!"

Love you all!