Nothing to do but pray

When Lara got in touch with me on Monday, we found out it wouldn't be as simple as she had been hoping. The good news was that the caseworker hadn't completely rejected her crazy suggestion. But the not-as-great news was that she was going to have the expectant couple choose between our two families. It was really actually good that she wasn't trying to force them into any decision. But they already had their minds set on Lara so I definitely knew the odds were against us. Again, nothing we could do but continue to pray and have faith that the best would work out.

The couple had already had a trip planned to meet Lara about 10 days after all this. Lara was trying in earnest to convince the caseworker to just have them come straight to Twin. Lara didn't want them to have to choose--she knew they should just come to us. But it was tricky navigating all this. In the end, the plan was that they would fly in to Boise and spend Sunday with Lara's family, then Monday morning we would go pick them up and bring them over to spend the day with us, and they would fly out of Twin Falls. Then the caseworker would meet with them and advise them and they'd make a decision. Yikes!

Lara and I talked and texted a lot over the next week! She really didn't know anything more about the couple. Off-reservation adoptions are pretty rare. As the caseworker flat out put it, she doesn't like placing babies off the reservation. And it's completely understandable. There is some crazy history with white people adopting Indian babies. But since this couple had been set on adoption off-res and out of state pretty much from the beginning of the pregnancy, she was completely supportive of it. Lara had only talked to the couple once on the phone, and had never seen any pictures of them or anything. They had only seen a couple of pictures of her. So there seemed to be a flicker of hope that they might be open to placing with another couple, since she hadn't like, fostered a really close relationship with them or anything. 

Of course the Sunday they were planning to come was the weekend we had a big birthday party over in IF planned for my dad. So before we left on that trip, I spent 2 days scouring the house, cleaning everything, organizing, even deep cleaning the cars! 

We went to IF and had a fabulous time with our family. I got to snuggle with my little 3-month old niece and also very brand new one week old nephew. We headed back to Jerome late Saturday night and were up late getting Ashlyn to bed, unpacking, me practicing the organ at the last second (as usual), etc. So we were exhausted. I was also SO nervous all weekend. My nerves just kept building and building. Anxious and nervous, I guess. I couldn't help but keep thinking that every little thing we did or said or had in our house would be the thing to turn them off to us. Silly, I know, but really I was thinking things like, "I better have all these papers put away or they might think we're too unorganized" and "if I don't dust the piano right before they come they might notice." That's what nerves will do to you!

Sunday morning as far as we knew the plan was still the same. I planned to finish unpacking and cleaning up the house Sunday evening and go to the grocery store for lunch stuff first thing Monday morning. During Sacrament meeting, as I was sitting on the stand waiting for the sacrament to be finished, I happened to check my phone. I really never check it during church unless I'm using it for scriptures. But I did for some reason--and I had like 4 missed calls from Lara and a bunch of texts from her saying "CALL ME ASAP!! I'm on my way to the airport and they are going to come straight to you today!" 

I was going crazy! Those 3 minutes I had to wait to be able to step out and call her back felt like INFINITY. 

Elan's Story- the beginning

Elan's story of coming to our family began with a phone call. It was Wednesday night Jan. 21, 2015. I was doing some work (or more accurately, probably wasting time) on the computer and answered the phone..... it was an acquaintance of mine I hardly ever see, Lara Goers. When she said who she was and starting talking with me, it took me a few minutes to finally place who she was! That's how well I know her.

(The quick backstory of how we know Lara and her husband Bill at all is that we were in the same "orientation" group way back in 2010 when we started the adoption process with LDS Family Services. It was just our two families--they just had one 5 year old. Brigg, at the time-- so we chatted a little together. Then well after Ashlyn had been born (and they adopted a girl just 5 months after we adopted Ashlyn), I would see her at a local consignment sale every 6 months or a year, and that was literally it. The last time I saw her was in October of last year at that sale in Boise. She asked to get my phone number and blog address just in case any adoption stuff ever came up. (she had since had biological twins, so now had 4 kids and was really busy with them!)  People have been so nice and always asking for our info to share throughout all these 3 years of waiting, so I don't usually think much of it. I was appreciative though!)

Back to this phone call....Lara asked if we had anything going on adoption-wise I lamentingly explained that we really didn't, still. She said she was glad, and then proceeded to tell me that she had been contacted by the same connection she had that helped with adopting her daughter, about a baby boy who was going to be placed for adoption. Her daughter was adopted through an American Indian tribe in Montana, and this baby was coming from the same place. She had known about him back in October when she saw me. She said that she was excited to hear that they wanted to send another baby to her family (adoptions out of the tribe are RARE), but she kept feeling stronger and stronger that her family is complete and this baby wasn't meant for her. She prayed, fasted, and lost a lot of sleep over this. Throughout the time she was struggling with this, a certain family kept popping into her mind--us. She just kept kicking around that paper with my phone number on it. Her confirmations had finally led her to know that this baby was meant for our family, and not hers. She had already decided and knew, but wanted to call and make sure we were not in the middle of anything else and were ok with it. I was completely speechless.

She explained that it was going to be a long shot pulling this off. She called it "pulling and Esther." (look up Esther's story if you don't remember it ;) ) She was working up the guts to call the tribe social worker and explain this crazy situation--that she felt her family was complete and that she had another family picked out. The big worries were that the couple would get completely turned off to adoption, and that the social worker would say no way, and that in general it just wouldn't work out. She said she was going to call the social worker the next day, and would be in touch.

 I couldn't do anything but thank her and say "wow" like 800 times. Of course, at that time I was honestly thinking, "I really don't think there's any way this can work out." Lara said, "PRAY!" and I knew that was literally all we could do. It was completely out of Collin's and my hands.

So, after I got off the phone I went in and told Collin about that conversation. His first reaction was actually excitement. I thought he would be more skeptical, but he felt a connection with the fact that this baby is Indian more than I had realized he would. He grew up in a small town in Arizona and had a large percentage of Indian friends, and he also has an uncle who was a full member of the Creek tribe and cousins who are half Creek. So it was exciting to him. I was excited at the prospect too--just of course feeling the usual doubtfulness that I have pretty much grown to feel about any prospective adoption in the past 3 years. But I think overall the thing we felt the most was peace. That was kind of surprising to me, I thought I would be more anxious or excited or doubtful. Sure, after 3 years of waiting with nothing working out to add to our family we were a little "jaded" I guess you might say, but when this came up we both just felt peace. It was definitely out of the ordinary. I am such a planner and uptight person (since we're being truthful, and like you don't already know that!), it was surprising that I was ok with completely turning this over to the Lord. I knew there was absolutely nothing we could do except pray as hard as we could that if this baby was for us, he would make it to our family. Maybe that is the point I had had to get to over 3 years?

We agreed to fast the next day, and of course we began praying that night and haven't stopped. We "called in the troops"--our family, extended family, and a few close friends were asked to fast and pray for us too. So we fasted the entire next day (confession for both of us: we hardly ever truly fast an entire work day!), and know many in our families did too. I was emotional a lot that day. Of course it was on my mind so much because I was fasting for it, and also praying a lot. I could feel the strength and faith of so many of our family members and friends also united in prayer for us that day. Even though most of them didn't know anything about why we needed prayers, I could feel that comfort, that they were pulling for us and pleading with Heavenly Father on our behalf. It was beyond description.

Over the weekend, as I explained the situation to a few close friends, I started feeling almost silly about it. It was such a non-situation, really. How do you even explain it? When I did I  realized how much of a complete longshot and how incredibly unlikely it was that it could work out. I don't want to say that my doubts started creeping in, because it was more like I just felt realistic about it. This definitely wasn't an easy situation. Not something just getting handed to us. SO many things had to work out in order for this baby to come our way. But again, I continued to have that peaceful feeling that the Lord would do what was best. And of course I continued to plead with Him that if this baby was meant for us, it would work out.  We didn't hear anything until the next Monday.