Thoughts

I have been meaning to get on here and rant. You're so lucky that I have not had time! But not having the time to even rant on my blog.... has just given me the urge to rant even more! ha ha. Anyways, it's late and so I'm not going to write much. But there are a few thoughts I would like to share. Not looking for sympathy or advice or anything in between...just a disclaimer......although I love you and all the support you constantly give me!

1. I have STRUGGLED with waiting so long for our next child. Not like you probably haven't already gotten that sense from me. But it's true. I don't know what I expected when we embarked on this second adoption journey. But it wasn't having to wait 4 months for the money to even start the process, then to wait a full year (so far) after our approval with literally nothing going on. We were contacted by one birthmom back in January, and that was it. For real. Nothing. else. at. all. (although our profile has been viewed over 800 times. Is that better or worse news?!?) In the time since we have been approved I have seen 8 of my close friends have babies and 3 more good friends be chosen for adoptions. I am literally surrounded by babies. Don't get me wrong, I love that! It's nice to get to spend time with babies! But it's also in my face, all the time, that for some reason, I am not getting in on this joy that it feels like pretty much everyone around me is. I really don't want any of my friends to feel awkward reading this. I promise I'm not filled with loathing thoughts whenever I'm around you--heck no not at all! But in the grand scheme it's worth mentioning that I do feel like I'm at my prime baby-having age and it's just not happening, and it's hard. We really did just pay to renew our homestudy, and that finishes up in the next 2 weeks. It has been depressing getting to this point. This really isn't something that consumes me every day. I love our life and how everything is in our wonderful little family. I am generally happy and optimistic about the future. But this is also something that seems to be constantly on my mind. Especially the last couple of months--since I had really, really been hoping we wouldn't be one of those couples that has to renew at the 1-year mark. So maybe that has made it seem more urgent to me. Not that it matters since nothing happened! :) And now that we're actually renewing, I'm kind of like, "well, whatever. since we just paid our $340 we might as well get a few more months out of this." But that said, the birthmom out there who has/will have our next child, gets prayers from me every day.

2. This is still about #1. But it's a little more positive! I went to an adoption class about a month ago, just to keep me going, you know? And the main point everyone kept talking about was how important "confirmation" is. And it was a big reminder and strengthener to me--that that is what matters. And what came to my mind was the strong, strong, strong confirmation I got that we needed to pursue adoption again, clear back in April of 2012. There's not a doubt in my mind that we are on the right path, at least. 

3. This is also sort of about #1. After that same class I attended that I mentioned in #2, I sat in the parking lot and bawled my ugly cry for a good 20 minutes. I was just so overcome with emotion, and mainly just feeling like I was swimming in a lot of turmoil as far as knowing what my purpose as a mother is and blah blah blah.... a lot of stuff that I won't bore you with. I was emotional. Just like I have been like, at any given time in the past 8 months. What is my problem anyway?!? I'm a woman, that's what! So anyway, it was a low, low night. Uplifting in some ways, but I was feeling mostly pretty low. I drove the long way home so I wouldn't look like a complete train wreck when I got home to my dad (who was visiting) and Collin. When I got home and opened up the computer, I was handed one of the hugest tender mercies: Ashlyn's birthmom had gotten in touch with me! (I hadn't heard from her since before Ashlyn turned 1.) The next week was filled with communication back and forth with her. I cried as I read her emails, and she cried as she read our adoption blog and the wonderful things we said about her on there. We caught up and sent love to each other. It was a really sacred, special time for me. And I know that Heavenly Father was deliberate in his timing. It seemed to be just what I needed in that dark time. Being able to get in touch with the woman who means so, so much to me, and has a connection with me that no one else does. She is Ashlyn's other mom, the woman who made our family possible, who sacrificed more than I can comprehend to make sure Ashlyn got all she deserves. I have so, so much love for her that my heart seems to overflow with it. Being able to share life with her has meant so much to me. It really lifted me up and rounded out my life at a point that I really needed it.

4. Ok, no more adoption talk. (I'm sure you're relieved!) Other things that are going on around here are... I have been sick! I got so sick for like 2 weeks. This is annoying for many reasons. Is being sick ever not annoying? Anyway, this time was a combination of so many weird things I wasn't sure what was wrong. This time was bad enough that I even went to clear liquids for a couple of days, and then had nothing but Boost for a couple more days after that.  My doctor was of no help and just ordered like every expensive, difficult test there is. I prayed hard that I would start to feel better because our insurance doesn't cover the tests and I had a feeling they wouldn't find a whole lot more out. With my complicated medical history I often can figure out what's wrong more accurately than the drs and this was one of those times that I didn't think they knew what they were talking about. Too bad I didn't know what was wrong either! But anyway, thankfully after 2 weeks I have slowly but surely felt a little better each day this week. Finally Thursday was the first full day that my stomach didn't have cramps all day. Hallelujah! So here's hoping things keep going up hill and whatever was wrong doesn't come back!

5. So this is sort of an extension of #4. I signed up for a 5K with my friend back in August.....and it is next weekend! Well guess how much I have run since I've been feeling so crappy? Big fat zero. That's been almost 3 weeks! And also, this isn't just a regular 5K, it's one for moms with strollers. Boy I am so screwed! Oh well. 

6. I am in the crazy, insane, super busy, nightmarish throes of my first (of two) year as chairperson for the IMTA Sonatina Competition. Just shoot me now. I have spent at least an hour emailing every day in regards to this--along with phone calls, processing payments, sorting out registration, assigning committees, communicating with the 10 judges, working out hotel reservations and food details, ironing out BSU reservations, parking, and catering, etc. etc. etc. etc. And I think, "why am I doing this??" It's a long story but it was the lesser of two evils as far as taking a volunteer position. And it was 2 years ago that I agreed to do it. Anyway, back to the details about this, there are 400 students signed up. 45 teachers from around the valley participating. 10 judges, 7 of which fly in from all over the northwest. It's a competition, taken pretty seriously. It's on Nov. 2, and although I'm terrified of being in charge of such a huge event, I'm also counting down to it being over!!! 

7. I finally can't think of anything else! Well, I guess I could give some thoughts about the whole Obamacare thing and the government shut down, but let's keep politics out of this, and it's also way too late for me to get all fired up. Thanks for listening!

Fun Times

We made a trip to Idaho Falls a couple of weeks ago.....wahoo! After an insane week of anniversary celebrating, Moppet Togs (consignment sale) shopping, my dad being in town, mutual activity, student duet rehearsals, group lessons, doctor appointments, and the usual day to day stuff, Ashlyn and I took off Thursday night with my dad to head over. We left Boise at about 7:00..... with our $1 subs from Jimmy John's since it was $1 sub day! Thanks to Dad who scored those for us. Anyway, I had to take a picture of this sign because it just bugged me SO much!

It's fettuccine people. FETTUCCINE! 

So, after a late-night arrival the next day we did this and that. I took Jodee to lunch, I made some awesome Rolo-stuffed chocolate cookies, and most importantly, we went to the Emotion Bowl! ha ha. My high school, Idaho Falls, vs. their arch-rival, Skyline. It has been a rivalry for I don't know how long. It's even in this "American High School Rivalry Series" or something..... I don't really know much about that but I guess it's a recognized decent rivalry! Anyway, I have only been back to one Emotion Bowl since I graduated in 2002, before this one. I hope that means I'm not too much of an Uncle Rico. :)  Actually, my only Uncle Rico moment would be getting sentimental as the Tigerettes perform, and since there is no such thing as Tigerettes at all any more (*a moment of silence, please*), there goes that. 

 Somehow I got roped into going super early with these yahoos to save a spot for all 10 of us! We had a good time! (I put this pic in just for you, Andrea. You're welcome.)

 Yeah! Tiger Pride!

 Collin and the rest of the crew arrived right when the game started. I was wearing like 5 layers and also covered in a quilt! But there were so many people packed in I stayed pretty warm! IF won by a lot....although I can't remember how much. But that was fun! And we got to mock all the students as they rushed the field and spray-painted the goal posts orange, which is also always fun.

 The next morning we were treated to breakfast by Grandma and Charles, who had flown in from Denver for the weekend! I am really beginning to like this tradition again now that Ashlyn will actually sit and eat some breakfast. She downed a ginormous cinnamon roll and was happy as a clam.

 This is an example of the type of reaction she typically gives Cory and all his craziness. She absolutely loves him and Paul--who I would consider the 2 weirdest guys in the family! (I hope you show them that I said that, Tara and Hayley! ha ha.)



Sunday was the reason we all actually came..... little sister Jodee's mission farewell! She is off to San Antonio Texas for the next 18 months. She is the "nice" sister if I had to pick one.... (come on you guys know it's true), and I am really going to miss her a lot! Her talk was so great. Ashlyn sat with my parents during it, so I don't know how much they heard but I got to listen to the whole thing! :)


After the big family lunch after church (which I actually slept through because I was so sick I could only have clear liquids and I felt like crap.....but that is another story for a whiny blog post), we attempted a picture of the 3 little Whittier grandkids!

 This was by far the best one! There was a crowd of like 8 people behind me all cooing at them, no wonder they were acting like total deer in the headlights. It was so, so funny. Grace is 16 months, Ashlyn 2.5 years, and Adalyn is 5 months. I am so excited for these 3 to be buddies as they get older.

And for your enjoyment, here are a few of my favorite outtakes:

 (if you can't tell, the only thing keeping Ashlyn on the couch is that ginormous cookie she is stuffing into her mouth. I think she sat so well because she was afraid someone was going to take it away before she could eat it all.)

 And here we are just about to say goodbye to Sister Whittier. I wish she could read this so she could see me saying, " I MISS YOU ALREADYYYYY!!!" But she's way too obedient to sneak blog reading, so I don't think she'll see it. Anyways, we're excited for her and proud of her. It was a fun weekend to be together.

8th Anniversary!

It has been 8 years since this!

I have been posting on this blog since our 2nd anniversary, can you believe that! In fact I think my first post was about our trip to McCall for our anniversary!

Anyway, like I remind you every year, we have this fun tradition of celebrating our anniversaries according to the letter of the alphabet that matches the year. So, like always, I first feel the need to remind you of our past fun times:

1- Anniversary Inn

2-Biking (and staying) in McCall

3-Cascade--Ashley Inn

4-Downtown--The Grove and PF Chang's

5-Eagle--ate at Mai Thai, and Extravagant room at the Annivesary Inn--Romeo and Juliet

6-Fairfield Inn and Fondue at Melting Pot

7-Golfing and Olive Garden

and...drum roll..... 

8-Hayloft Suite at the Anniversary Inn.

We had big plans to go out to Hibachi too, but I tell you the week of our anniversary was completely crazy this year. Especially the actual day of our anniversary! My dad was in town doing a seminar that evening. I was consigning at Moppet Togs, and the consignor shopping happened to be that evening too. All in all, we didn't get out of our house until 9:00 that night. So dinner plans.... didn't really work out. But it was still SO fun to get away. My dad was a saint and spent the night at our house to watch Ashlyn, even though he had a long day of travel and put on a seminar that evening. And he even scheduled his appointments late enough the next day that we didn't have to be back until 11:00am! Collin took that day off school so that was fun. The Annivesary Inn is so nice in my opinion because it really feels like a getaway, even though it's right in town. It was really nice!

Here we are with the best pic I could get of the Hayloft!

Big Bed!

Ashlyn is rocking her big bed. For the past 3 weeks I can't remember once that she's gotten out of bed without permission. Yahoo! But this wasn't always the case! The following is an account of our big bed story..... it is pretty boring but if you're hard up for reading material, here ya go!

We decided in August to get her going on a big bed! She was growing so tall she could barely stretch out in her crib. Plus I just wanted to get going on the transition so it was overwith by the time the holidays and all that craziness came around. We were originally going to just go straight from the crib to the big bed. I didn't really care about all the "slow transitions" that are often encouraged. Our plan was to get a big bed at IKEA while we were in Utah in July. Well BOO, the only bed we wanted was out of stock! So scratch that. Then we just forgot about bed shopping for a few weeks with the craziness of Collin going back to school. But meanwhile I really still wanted to get going on this. So, we decided we would have to at least start with the whole "slow transition" thing. Her crib is convertible all the way up to a twin, but we just did the toddler bed step. Which was really just taking the side railing off. I was worried about her rolling out so we bought a side guard and put that on too. So basically it was still a crib.... but with a tiny opening for her to climb in and out. Here she is her first night in that:

 That step went ok. For the first week or so she definitely had to get used to the fact that she had to stay in bed because we told her to. Nap time was pretty rough, actually. There were 2 or 3 days that she never slept and instead COMPLETELY trashed her room. This picture is one of the times I found it the cleanest:

And one night I heard her calling my name and trying to open the door at 2:30am so I went in and found her room completely, completely trashed, with the lights on and everything. I got her back in bed and thought I settled her down, but after I left her room and then went to the bathroom....when I was walking back down the hallway I saw her light on again!! So then I went in and told her sternly to get in bed. Boy did she cry. But she didn't get out of bed again in the night anyways. A few mornings I went in to find her sitting near her books reading, which I thought was cute.

She got way better, and so I thought the next step would be to take that guard rail off. That went HORRIBLE. She would not stay in bed at either nap or bed time. But naps were especially horrible. This was Collin's first week back to school, which meant the first week of it back to being just me and Ashlyn home together all day. It was one of the worst weeks I had all year!! Ashlyn was a horrible stinker to me all week. It may have been due to the transition of Daddy being gone again....but I really think it was mostly because she wasn't sleeping. I don't think she took a nap once that week, and she was out of bed every night. We were both emotional wrecks and at each other's throats by the end of the week!! She was in time out more than I want to count that week! So anyway, we decided to put the guard rail back up, but to actually get on the ball with finding a bed.

We shopped craigslist for a couple of weeks, and then finally found a decent bed frame out in Nampa for cheap. It needed a fresh coat of spray paint but that was no problem. Then my parents were so awesome to donate a mattress....and I absolutely love shopping for bedding so that was fun! We let Ashlyn help with taking down her crib and putting it in the garage, and then with setting up her new bed, and tried to get her excited about it. She really just didn't seem to care either way. The bed is high enough off the ground that it takes some work for her to climb in....and therefore it's not a big temptation to climb out either. Yay! She has done super great ever since we got the big bed. Kind of makes me think it probably would have gone that well if we had just done this in the first place. But oh well, things worked out like they did probably so I could write this and you could learn what not to do! ha ha! Here she is just hanging out in her "cozy bed" as she calls it:

Yeah, I know. She is pretty much too cute. It's sad but fun to see her in a big bed like this now. And there you go, our bed story!
THE END!

Little Ashlyn

Ashlyn is not so little anymore! She is growing up so much I feel more and more like she's a little kid, and not my baby anymore! It's bittersweet for sure. I love, love the baby days (not to mention of course super baby-hungry here!), but it's also so fun to see all the new things she is constantly doing and learning!

SO, I will put some thoughts about her first, then be warned there is a big load of pictures! I hate when I get behind in blogging. This is what happens!!

THINGS ASHLYN DOES.....

Gives lots of hugs! She's talking so much, and she will wrap her arms around my legs and say "I LOVE you!" over and over. I die every time. :)

She LOVES smarties. They are my bribe of choice. She will do anything for some "Sammies" as she calls them.

Still constantly puts on Collin's and my shoes and trucks around the house in them like, no big deal. Sometimes this is where the smarties come in, when we have to leave the house and I need her to take those off and put on her own shoes.

She is back to insisting on picking out her own outfits each morning. The whole "Love and Logic" choices thing works well for me--so she doesn't usually end up in something completely crazy looking. We'll see how long she keeps falling for that!

She finally is starting to like movies. Like, real movies! She is constantly, constantly requesting to watch The Lion King. I'm guessing that's gonna be one of the ones she knows all the songs to. Kind of like me and The Little Mermaid! ha ha. She also really loves finding Nemo. I know this because it's the other movie she's constantly begging to watch!

Collin has brought home a few kids' books that are in Spanish, like Cat in the Hat and others. Now Ashlyn requests for all her books to be read "in Panish." It's cute. I think Collin's pretty proud! I always just say, "Mommy doesn't know Spanish. Can we read it in English?" and she says, "YEAH!" so we're good.

She sings lots of songs: Alphabet (sort of), Twinkle Twinkle, Eensy Weensy Spider, I am a Child of God..... and it is so, so stinkin' adorable.

She can recognize almost all the letters of the alphabet, and now she is constantly pointing them out to me. (She gets W and M mixed up. Who wouldn't??) We were at a friend's house the other night and she had a wreath that said "BSU" on it, and while we were standing by it Ashlyn just shouted out, "BSU!" Which sounded so funny since it seemed like she was reading although she was just telling us the letters. Awesome!

She can count from 1-20 in English, and 1-10 in Spanish. But NEVER on demand!

She still LOVES nursery! Goes running right in with a big smile every time! As for how she acts in there, I can't say I know. I hope she's nice.

She went through a little phase of always making sure all her stuffed animals and babies had diapers on them. It was so funny. She can't actually put them on so I would just keep finding little animals wrapped in diapers everywhere.

She loves being independent and getting her own little cup of milk or water out of the fridge. We keep it on a shelf where she can reach and I think she feels like pretty big stuff doing that.

She loves to "cook" with me. It's basically a big huge pain for me. There, I said it. It like doubles the cooking time, the mess, and the stress! But she loves it, and it's fun to spend time together. So we do it sometimes.

She has some little chores! These aren't done by her 100% of the time but more often than not she does them. Here is her little chore list: Put her dirty clothes in the hamper, Feed Lucy dinner (with help), Put her dishes in the sink after a meal, and..... that is about it. We are working on getting her to help with cleaning up the toys but oh my heck, I don't see how that is ever going to happen. 

Speaking of cleaning up toys, she has become an EXCELLENT dawdler. Whether it's bedtime, time to get into the car, time to get out of the car, time to go outside, time to come inside, or pretty much anything that requires some sort of transition, she all of a sudden becomes SO interested in the first little toys she comes across..or in taking off her shoes.... or putting on her shoes.... or she all of a sudden is dying for a drink of milk.... and she has even thrown out random crap such as "I want a peach!" to which I'm like, "say what now? I'm literally putting you in your bed. Too bad." It's amusing. Also frustrating! But alas, she's 2.

She now has "time out" with her nose in the corner. (see a picture below) She will stay there herself for the 2 minutes until we say it's ok to be done, then we have a hug and she says sorry to whoever she hurt. (which is 99% of the reason 99% of the time she goes to time out. It's almost always hitting either Mommy or Daddy, and almost always at a time we're working on transitioning, like I mentioned above! It's a work in progress!)

And that is some stuff about our cute girl in a nutshell. Sort of. If you really read all that you must be in my family because I am pretty sure no one else would take the time! ha ha. Love you all, thanks for reading. :)

PICS OF OUR ASHLYN:

These 2... love it! Watching out the window for Daddy to come home.

I love this face in the window!

Ok..... obviously not Ashlyn....but I cracked up at this picture.

I'm so glad Collin captured this. We do it a lot!

Well crap. One library book totally shredded, just what I wanted to find when I came in to get her up from her nap. This was the last time she was allowed a book in bed at nap time!

A decent pic of the yarn extensions I put in

Grandpa has been in town a lot lately, we have loved seeing him more!

Walking the dog..... at the slowest snail's pace any time Ashlyn is involved! ha ha.

We renewed our Zoo pass for another year, and have enjoyed the diversion to get out of the house! She was a little nervous about getting on this thing.

Every once in a while I make an attempt at getting her to sleep with different do-rags.... yeah this one lasted like 2 minutes, as usual.

Football game at Centennial! She will sit and "watch" with us, so funny.

Reading books in the car, what she does best.

Even fairies have to go to time out sometimes.

Partying at the mall playground with buddies Ellie, Brynlie, and Anberlin

We watched Ashlyn's buddy Addison for a couple of days while her mommy had a baby, and these 2 had a BLAST together. 

Ok, sorry, but again had to throw this gem in. My dog is so awesome.

Selfie

Feeding the ducks at Demeyer park..... more like chasing them!

More fun times with Addison. See what I mean? SO cute together.

Getting the big swing from Collin and Cory!

Collin took her to a Hawks (baseball) game one night because he had free passes.... they stayed like 25 minutes but the pictures are worth it!

RUNNING! (by the way, Collin looks SO cool in this one! ha ha ha!)

I love this--my peeps! All posing for yet another selfie.

The giraffe costume that wasn't for Halloween this year. She's too tall for the giraffe costume. Too bad because she really liked wearing it around! But I felt like I was in pain every time I looked at what a giant wedgie it gave her!

One of our hairstyles

And another of our hairstyles....yarn extensions! It was a great learning experience for me (like all the new styles I try on her) and they lasted about 3 weeks. I now know things to do to make them last longer next time. It was fun to have "long" hair to do different things with.....and also clear to me why toddlers do not typically have "long" hair! (dipping in the toilet, anyone?)

Ashlyn with buddies Kyra and Miles at a dinner party. Don't be fooled, they sat here for like 30 seconds and then spent there rest of dinner literally eating under our feet at the big table!

I LOVE this! Although she looks like such a big kid. This girl is constantly in the books. 

There's the whole bed drama. It's over now, but worth blogging about, at least for my family to read! Anyway, that will have to wait for another day.