Ashlyn Turns 3

Ashlyn turned 3! I can't believe it. I know I say that like every day the older she gets. It's true! It's hard to believe I have a little 3 year old here!

We had a fun day on her birthday! It fell on President's Day which meant Daddy had the day off school. He still had wrestling practice in the morning, but after that we had him the whole rest of the day. When he got home we called Ashlyn's birthmom, Rae, and chatted with her for a while. She sang happy birthday to Ashlyn, which brought a few tears to my eyes. I'm so thankful to have her in our lives and the bond between her, us, and Ashlyn is definitely unique and definitely special. Anyway, we then headed to Chuck E Cheese's for lunch. We got some nice cheesy pizza and a bunch of tokens. Ashlyn of course was so busy she never stopped to eat. In fact by the time I had ordered the pizza and gotten our salads and come back to our table, she and Collin had used up almost all the tokens playing games! Collin was just a little competitive on those little kid games. He was pretty proud of all the tickets he "helped" Ashlyn win, ha ha. Anyway, Ashlyn had a great time and it was fun to do something different together. She of course had to go to time out for her big fit when we left but well, that's not unusual right now. 

This was right before we left.... see how happy she was to leave.

I had been asking Ashlyn for a few weeks what kind of birthday cake she wanted. I even have a book full of kids cakes that she liked looking through---but she never gave me an answer. I took that as, I will do what I want! I knew if it looked like a "birthday cake" she would be thrilled. So I put this together and sure enough she was so excited to see it on the counter when she got up in the morning, and asked many times throughout the day if it was time for birthday cake yet! 

 I also put up lots of streamers and balloons the night before her birthday and when she got up and came out to the kitchen she was so excited to see that it really was her birthday. She kept requesting for me to sing "happy  birthday" to her all morning. :) I didn't mind!


We hadn't known if I would end up having to teach a few lessons that night or exactly what Collin's schedule with wrestling would be that day, so we didn't plan a big party. But the night before we realized we actually could have some friends over for cake, and luckily some of them could come! It was perfect to have some of our good friends (and their kids are Ashlyn's buddies) over to celebrate.

Blew out her own candles this year!

Just a little excited!

Ashlyn had fun opening her presents too. She got a set of Lion King play figurines, a Maisy movie, some new books, and a Minnie Mouse coloring pad from us, a little cash register and cleaning kit from Grandma and Grandpa Whittier, and a fun little elephant that blows butterflies (I think, still need to get batteries for it) from her buddy Addison. She was in heaven! Happy birthday to our sweet 3 year old, who is the light of our lives!

Mid-February

I am trying to post more regularly on here, if you hadn't noticed! Not making any serious commitments or anything, but we'll see how it goes! Just so you know!

Sorry but most of this post is basically things I already posted on instagram or texted to people. But maybe you'll find something you haven't already seen.

 I took Ashlyn to Jump Time with another of her little buddies. They had so much fun. I took her once a year ago and she had fun....but it was so cute to see how excited she was when we walked in and she realized she got to play here! She kept jumping up and down shouting, "Thank you thank you thank you!" Hey at least she has some manners?!? She and her buddy Addison jumped and climbed and slid and rode in a train for a good 3 hours. Both took good naps later that day!! :)

SO SO cute. What are we going to do when the De la Cerdas move!??!

 This is Ashlyn's special birthday card for my dad. I gave her some stickers to put on it, and I guess I always have this picture in my mind of how it will look after she puts the stickers on: neatly placed stickers, accenting the words and pictures that are already on the card..... like I would do I guess..... Well HA! Like she would do that. She's 2! I wasn't watching while she put them on so when I saw the finished product (pictured above) I laughed. So cute. I hope Grandpa enjoyed it. It's so fun that we can sit down to make Valentines and B-day cards and stuff and it's actually fun for both of us! (for the most part)

 Just more pictures of my "kids." Couldn't get them both to look at the same time.

I love Lucy in this one though!:

And then yeah, I tease Lucy sometimes. I have the most hilarious video of her attempts to get this bread. I am so mean. But it is so worth it!

 We went out to Cafe Ole for my bestie Chandra's birthday last weekend! It was HEAAVENNN!! Like seriously the best night so far this year! I have been watching what I eat due to fitness challenge and generally needing to shed some pounds but I saved up my cheat day and calories for it! Chips and salsa, chimichangas and street tacos, fried ice cream! Plus the best part-my best buddies to chat with. I have not seen most of them nearly enough lately! After the restaurant we went to.... drum roll....Target! Surprise surprise! And spent 2 hours there. It is getting to be a regular tradition! Love it! I'm so lucky to have such awesome friends here! Don't know what I would do without these ladies.

 I made some cupcakes for my students.... still attempting to be that fun piano teacher, you know. Just for the record.... I never ate a single cupcake! In fact, I stupidly licked the frosting lid, and then realized I had to count that as eating sugar and lost a point for the fitness challenge! Even though I didn't have any more than that! Oh well. Still being healthy, right! And besides these were strawberry cupcakes which are not good in my opinion. Still fun, I have not been baking sweet stuff like this at all lately. So I had to document!

 We went up to Bogus!!! 3rd time snowboarding this year! Best part.... I had a breakthrough! Finally figured out some sort of balancing step I was missing to be able to carve down steeper hills--like not just the easiest green circles! I hope we get up there one more time before the snow is gone. It has been sooo fun. I'm so glad we went too--it was a snowy week and it was seriously a blizzard up there the whole time. I was really glad we have the awesome gear we do where I was covered from head to toe and warm as toast and dry, so it was just really enjoyable! By the way..... my facemask was upside down in this picture, did you notice?!? ha ha! I didn't realize until we got on the first lift! I am such an idiot! It's amazing I didn't smother to death.

 We had New Beginnings this week! Seems like we JUST had Night in Excellence. These 2 things seem so close together?! Anyways, we have the most phenomenal YW president. Even as her first counselor I can tell you the other 3 of us in the presidency do probably like 10% of the work and she does the other 90%! Every time! Not because we don't try...she is just super woman! She is so talented in all things party, baking, decor, craft, and fashion. So it's fun to see all her amazing creations! (like this one--this is one of the smaller examples!) The girls just adore her and I do to. It has been so fun and I can't believe it's already been a year we've been the YW leaders!

And a side note about YW.... I admit there have been a lot of Wednesday nights I am grumbling to myself as I drive to mutual...after scrambling to get my responsibilities for mutual ready, dinner on the table, my kid to a sitter, etc. Wishing I had a night to myself since I work Mon and Tues nights. I am almost always wishing I didn't have to go. Then when I get there it always ends up being just what I needed--in so many ways. My testimony is strengthened, my bonds with girls and leaders are strengthened, and generally I leave feeling so uplifted and glad I went and served. I know that makes me sound horribly selfish but I just kind of realized that the other day. I often feel the stress of this additional time commitment with my already super-busy husband's schedule to work around, my own job, and no family in town to help out with kids. But I am often reminded through small things that I guess this is where Heavenly Father wants me right now. For whatever reason! More for me than the girls, I'm sure!

And finally.... I have been practicing a little more these days! I have actually been able to go to Piano Club (where a bunch of fuddy-duddy teachers like myself get together to perform for each other and be general music nerds) lately, so that means I have been having to prepare for it! I have loved it. It's not easy to make the time for myself to practice, ever. But when I go a long time without playing the piano, something is....missing. So I keep trying to make sure I do! Plus I ordered my first big book of Chopin pieces and I am pumped  to get learning some of them! Ok, end nerd moment.

Thanks for tuning in! Hopefully more to come in a week!

Multi-racial Family

I have a multiracial family. Mostly when I stop and think about my wonderful, perfect-for-me, blessing of a family, I am overwhelmed with gratitude, love, and joy. And sometimes when I stop and think about it I have a slight panic attack. We didn't ever "seek" to be a multiracial family, but we definitely also didn't have any apprehension about becoming one. 3 years into being a family, I feel like I have learned so much, through life experiences, workshops, support groups, meeting so many other special families similar to ours, and definitely extensive reading--of blogs, books, articles, and more.

 I was not raised with even the slightest influence of racism, either good or bad, and I think when we first were asked the question "the baby girl is African American, are you ok with that?" by our caseworker the day we learned about Ashlyn, we felt in our hearts so strongly that this was the baby for us, that we didn't hardly give that question a second thought. And still now, if I could go back, I would do the same thing. BUT the one thing we learned really quickly is that although at first we thought we would just be a "colorblind" family, the world isn't colorblind. And I don't say that in an all-bad way, at all. But my eyes are opened to a lot more now than they were before my family became what it is. Sometimes it is wonderful, sometimes it is challenging, sometimes I panic thinking about the type of situations I may have to "man-up" and deal with some day. Sometimes it is so, so discouraging. But overall, day to day, race isn't an issue for us, in our hearts. It doesn't change the love in our family at all. And I really don't write or blog or even talk about it that much because I feel so inept at putting my real feelings or thoughts into words, and also I am still really fearful of making sure I say the right thing. Yes, I know there's not always a right thing to say.

 Most of the time when I think deeply about it I end up turning to my Heavenly Father in prayer to have enough faith and strength to deal with challenges that may come our way, or just my duaghter's way. I know she was sent to our family for many reasons, and it is really humbling to try to figure out why Heavenly Father saw us fit to deal with some things. On the other hand, already our lives have been blessed in so many ways that often are because of our chance to learn and grow as a special family like this. Mostly, I know that my daughter is a really special, strong spirit. I am humbled and become tearful when I think of the faith Heavenly Father put in me to be her mom. I hope I do ok. She is here to do some special things, and we're so blessed that it was our family she came to. I know that race doesn't define her, or us. So by posting this I hope you don't think that I do. But race is the topic of my post today, so that's why I'm writing this.

Anyway, like I said, I read about all things multiracial, racial, racist, etc., mostly applied to adoptive families, when I can. But I have to take it in small doses, because it overwhelms me sometimes. I just finished a great book about adoption, and lucked out because it was written by a transracial adoptive mom, which isn't super common, yet. I am putting this excerpt of a chapter straight onto this blog post because I feel like it is exactly my words--written by someone else! So just imagine me saying this, because it's really right in line with my feelings. It was so wonderful to read it from someone else. And please don't anyone think that I'm pointing fingers at anyone or anything, because I'm not. We are all lilly-white Idahoans or Utahns that read this as far as I know, and stuff like race is not something I think any of us have dealt with or thought about much. But with the beautiful child at the center of my universe, it is  now something I think about, a lot. (ps-I changed "son" to "daughter" in this for obvious reading reasons)

Friendly Racism
  
I was invisible at the mall once, when I overheard one teenager ask another if "that little black kid was here alone." Three feet apart, we were unrelated. In a way, my black daughter is on her own. Regardless of my commitment, notwithstanding my devotion, and despite my love, my daughter is alone in a way I never had to be.

To some, I look more like my child's social worker than her mother. We get smiled at and glared at, but always stared at. Adopting interracially is like donning a permanent sandwich board that advertises your adoption (and your infertility too). Granted, ours doesn't resemble the families on Hallmark cards, but must we explain and re-explain ourselves to strangers--as if it is OUR responsibility to sort out the situation for the confused observer? "Where did she come from?" "Is she yours?" "Did you adopt her?" "Is her father black?" "How did this happen?" I've had to get used to uninvited questions and unwelcome attention, though I sometimes wish that we could be inconspicuous.

Loving my daughter as I do, I have become an acute barometer of bias: I notice where race makes a difference, and I can't find a place where it doesn't. Attuned to the slightest suggestion of discrimination and prejudice, in even the most innocent and mundane places, my antennae are always up. I've seen racism on playgrounds, in swimming pools, in glances, in books, on applications, and at the doctor's office. 

Much of the racism I have seen firsthand is what I'd call "friendly" racism: one of the most virulent strains by virtue of its unwitting perpetrators. I am taken aback that people ask my daughter if she wants to be a WNBA basketball player when she grows up, and ask me if she's from Africa. On her behalf, I am offended when complete strangers reach over to touch her curly hair or call her "sister," and I've heard more than one child ask her why she's black.

Were I to challenge any of these friendly people, I'd surely be accused of delusion or, at the very least, overreaction. "Oh, you're just reading into things," or "Don't be so paranoid," or "When did you become such a super-sensitive zealot?" Racism, I believe, is never innocuous, no matter how slight or unintentional. It is one thing not to speak about racism but another not to recognize it. The first is unhealthy; the second, malignant.


--Jana Wolff
"Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother"