I wanted to get this onto the blog before I forget!
As anyone who I've talked to in the past 6-8 months knows, we had been patiently (and often not-so-patiently) awaiting Elan's adoption finalization hearing getting scheduled since November. Our awesome caseworker Kaetie filed the petition for adoption the first weekend in November. She thought the hearing would be sometime in December, and we were so excited! December ended.... nothing. Then January.... February..... March.... still nothing. Kaetie had finished and filed with the attorney all we needed filed to do the hearing, but the tribal attorney who actually had to file it with the court for some reason wasn't doing it. I guess he had been out sick and whatever else .... even Kaetie was feeling very frustrated. In March she finally gave us his direct number and email and asked us to start calling/emailing his office once a week to bug him about getting it done. So we did that for a month, and still nothing! We were starting to worry, of course. When would this ever get done? Was there a reason he was holding it up? Even though Kaetie always reassured us that nothing was going wrong, we couldn't help but our imaginations run away every so often. Even though Elan's birth parents had signed off their parental rights (including the waiting period for ICWA) months before, we sometimes wondered if something was up with them. Or someone else in the tribe/community not wanting this to happen. Fear and doubt can do crazy things to your imagination! Anyway, we had some periods of being really worried. I was usually the one talking Collin down, he would get more psyched out about it than me. Probably because I'm the one who always talked to Kaetie and got it figured out.
Anyway, the second to last week of April, Kaetie had just let us know that she was probably going to have to start coming for bi-monthly home visits again (those stopped in December because she thought we'd be finalizing), and we were setting one up for the end of April. When lo and behold, we got an email from the attorney saying he had filed the petition for adoption!!!! When I saw it I jumped up and down! For real. And then cried for a while. FINALLY. Finally.
It took a few more weeks to actually get the court date for the hearing set... yet another exercise in patience. We didn't know if we'd get any more than a couple days' notice of that. They are only required to give like 48 hours notice for things like that, I guess. So we had no idea if we'd have to put a trip together really quickly or not. Thankfully, we got the letter about 3 weeks before the date. When I saw it in the mail, my heart was POUNDING so hard as I opened it. Again I literally jumped for joy! And again the tears came. I was just getting Elan himself out of the car right then, he was wondering what the heck was wrong with me. It was SUCH a relief and a blessing.
So then, waiting for the actual hearing! Nerve wracking! Kaetie again reassured us that it was just a formality, that everything was going to be fine. But in the back of our minds we definitely had reservations and worries that we tried really hard to keep at bay. The whole tribal adoption thing.... can be tricky. Even if both our caseworker and the attorney presented a great case for our adopting Elan, would the judge not see us fit to raise him? Have prejudice against us due to racial differences? Or other stuff? Would his birth parents show up and decide they wanted things to be different? We were definitely nervous but tried to stay as positive as we could. We planned the trip and got excited too!
We drove up on Wednesday afternoon, straight from Jerome to Missoula. Yeah, that drive sucked! Elan just isn't used to being in the car for that long. Even with one of us sitting and entertaining/feeding him, he was pretty grouchy. And having a crying baby in the car makes the ride no fun for anyone! We stopped in Lima for about half an hour and just let the kids run around outside a rest area. That was actually probably the highlight of the entire trip for Elan, he was in heaven playing in grass and dirt and running up and down hills!
We just bit the bullet and didn't stop again the last 3 hours to Missoula. Elan was grumpy and sad, and my ipod with episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba ended up being what kept him from sobbing the last 45 minutes or so. We were so glad to get there! We rolled in around 9:00. Not even super late! Yea! Collin did an AWESOME job getting us a great hotel. Our room was very spacious and we were able to make a little makeshift "room" for Elan rigging a sheet between tables, so he wouldn't be able to see us and would sleep. Both kids were so tired they went to sleep pretty quick.
The next morning the first thing we did was decide that we wanted to stay there a second night! We were originally going to leave and drive back to Idaho Falls that night. But after the rough drive up we figured we'd stay and play that day instead. BEST decision!
We had a great breakfast and swam in the pool, the kids loved it all. We did baths and showers and all got ready, and still had time to go check out downtown Missoula and the University of Montana for a bit. We took a little walk on the Clark Fork river near U of M and had some Jimmy John's for lunch. My nerves were kicking it up during then.... but we were busy enough and enjoying exploring that it was easy to put them off.
We made the 1-hour drive up to Pablo and got there right on time. The hearing was at 2:30. We met Kaetie in the parking lot, and Ashlyn was so happy to see her again, and immediately started talking her ear off. We have loved working with her and will really miss seeing her! We headed in and were able to go right into the court room.
The hearing was in the tribal court room, which is on the CS&KT (Confederated Salish and Kootenai tribes) tribal complex. Basically government-looking buildings. We met the attorney and he went over what he was going to ask us. Part of me was waiting for him to bring up some clause that had been unknown to us about tribal rights to Elan if something happened to us or something....but he didn't. We had been wondering if Elan's birth parents would come, and I was really hoping that at least his birth mom would. I had gotten gifts and cards ready for both his birth parents, and both the case workers we had worked with, not knowing for sure who we'd see. It ended up just being Kaetie. :) I was sad to see they didn't come, but also I can't pretend to know how this is for them. I imagine it would be really hard to attend this. I was hoping we might see them the whole time we were there--that maybe one of them would peek in the room or be waiting outside. But, that wasn't in the cards this time. Anyway, the hearing went well. The judge was a super stoic guy. I always hear stories about how supportive the judges in adoption hearings are--that they share stories about their own connections to adoptions and point out what a special occasion it is. Not this one! I was half convinced that he was going to bang his gavel and say "not approved!" He did finally crack a tiny smile at the very end.
Kaetie testified first, and she and the attorney went over in detail the events leading to Elan being placed with us, and all the legal things that had been done for him to stay in our family. The attorney asked her what her impression of Elan being in our family was when she came to visit us, and she said that it is home to him. He fits right in and is a perfect part of our family, and there is nowhere else he should be. I loved all her words, she was matter of fact but it was so touching to hear someone else describing the process we've gone through.
Collin then testified and then I did. We both got asked the same questions. They were mostly yes or no--like, do you understand that adoption Elan means he will permanently be in your family? Do you understand that this is an open adoption? Stuff like that. The last thing he asked us was for us to tell the judge how we felt about Elan. That was tough! I fumbled a lot. I don't even remember what I said. Something about my love for his birth parents and respect for what they have done, and what a blessing he is to our family, and how we are and will continue to try our best to give him all he deserves.
After that, the attorney said his closing remarks and went through the paperwork with the judge. Part of his remarks was pointing out to the judge our family--us sitting there with Ashlyn and Elan. He asked the judge if it appeared that we had bonded with our kids. That was one of the only times the judge cracked a little smile. It was embarrassing but also a special moment for it to be pointed out to anyone--including us--that we are a loving family. Then the judge said a little statement about ruling that Elan will be in our family permanently, and that he would approve the petition for adoption. I wish I had a recording of what he said, because it brought a lot of tears to my eyes. Hearing him proclaim that Elan would be in our family for good--even though it's felt that way since the beginning, it still hit me hard. It was so wonderful. I was holding my breath right up until that last statement, just hoping there would be no surprises. There weren't! What a sigh of relief! And such happiness!
Right after the hearing. The judge didn't stick around, but we got a picture with our dear Kaetie.
This is the best family picture we got! Elan was a total squirrel throughout the whole hearing. It's lucky it only lasted about 20 minutes. He was not cool with sitting or being corralled. Ashlyn on the other hand, could probably feel that it was a little serious. She wanted to sit on my lap the entire time. She just sat quietly and snuggled with me and ate her fruit loops. :)
We chatted with Kaetie a few more minutes out in the parking lot. We gave her our gift for her and tied up a few loose ends. We got Elan's birth certificate and SS card from her. Also great things! We hugged goodbye and she left. We hung around a few more minutes since Ashlyn was really fascinated by the veterans memorial they had next to our parking lot.
Happy happy happy!
The only killjoy in that moment was that the attorney told us the order of adoption would be getting in the mail within the next week. We had thought we'd get it at the hearing! We had already scheduled our temple sealing for the next weekend! wah wah. So, we had to cancel that and we're waiting on when we've got that in hand to set it up. There was still a LOT to be happy about right then!
Kaetie recommended that we go check out the People's Center--the tribal visitors center, which was just down the road. We had time to play since we had decided to extend our trip, so we did! It was a great museum where we learned a LOT more about the tribal history and the reservation history. Another place to realize what ridiculous white privilege we have, that's for sure. We bought some decor and kids books in the gift shop too.
We took the drive back to Missoula, changed at our hotel, and had dinner at Red Robin. The kids were pretty wiped out by then, so we made it quick! They got balloons which was like, the coolest thing ever.
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